I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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