I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
