I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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