My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
