Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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