Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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