i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
