My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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