I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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