first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
