Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
