We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
