just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
