Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
