you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
