woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
