Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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