you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
