I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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