I intend to get homeless drunk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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