I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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