no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
