Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
