I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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