We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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