And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize