i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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