Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
