turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize