I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
