note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
