do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
