I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
