I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
