I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
