"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would ride that face into the sunset
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
