Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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