These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
