Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She told me I should be a condom model.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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