So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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