Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
