When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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