I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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