Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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