I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
