Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
