do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
