Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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