There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
