If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
