ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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