I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
