At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
