oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
