Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
