whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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