Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize