Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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