Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
