Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
