I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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