Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
