By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
