i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
