and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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