With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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