We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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