smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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