why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
