So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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